Living with OCD: A Memoir of Struggle and Recovery

This deeply personal memoir offers a rare, insider’s view of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), charting one man’s journey from childhood obsession to decades-long struggle and, ultimately, lasting recovery. Written with unflinching honesty, it combines lived experience with practical insight, offering hope to those living with OCD—and to the families and loved ones who support them.

Markus’s experience with OCD began in early childhood, long before he had the language to understand it, and persisted for decades, intensifying over time and affecting every aspect of his life. Intrusive thoughts, compulsive rituals, and overwhelming fear went far beyond the stereotypical checking or cleaning behaviours most people associate with OCD. Despite outward success as a professional equestrian competing at Grand Prix dressage level, the disorder infiltrated his life, leading to deep depression, alcohol misuse, and suicidal ideation.

A leading UK cognitive behavioural therapist (CBT) described the book as “a deeply personal and informative text that no textbook could achieve.” Readers will gain insight into the internal logic of OCD, the hidden consequences it carries, and the coping strategies that make recovery possible.

Divided into four parts, the book traces the disorder’s lifelong impact, shares practical tools for regaining control, presents diverse experiences from others with OCD, and explores how CBT can work hand in hand with a reflective, spiritual approach to transform one’s relationship with the condition.

This memoir speaks directly to individuals living with OCD, their families, and carers, but it also resonates with anyone affected by depression, addiction, or suicidal thoughts. By breaking the silence around experiences often hidden by shame, it reduces stigma, encourages help-seeking, and offers hope.

Content Warning: This book contains detailed references to suicidal thoughts and experiences. Readers who may be sensitive to this subject are advised to read with care.